I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
