so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
