Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
