Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
