You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
