i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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