I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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