my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
