dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
