I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
