no, he came in my armpit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
