i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
worst night to have a conscience
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
