but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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