I think I am morally bankrupt
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
