If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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