The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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