when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
