he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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