I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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