Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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