He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
