Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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