Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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