I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
