drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
