after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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