He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
