but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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