You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i think my cat just said my name.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
