Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
