I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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