how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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