i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
