pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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