so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
