We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
