I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
