once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
