My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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