Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
