we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
