I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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