I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
