OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
