I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
