Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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