you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
