Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
