you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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