wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
